Monday, December 12, 2011
Christmas Carols Gone Wrong
In Baby, It's Cold Outside, a woman spends the evening worried about what people will think about her being alone at night with a gentleman. "My mother will start worry...My father will be pacing the floor...my sister will be suspicious...my brother will be there at the door..." In today's world, we would simply ask, Well, why don't you just call them from your cell phone and let them know you're OK? "The neighbors might faint...my maiden aunt's mind is vicious..." A young woman today wouldn't be out of place at a man's home late in the evening. They probably would have been living together anyway. Why would her mother worry? She probably got her daughter on The Pill at age 15 like all of her friends.
Don't even get me started on The Twelve Days of Christmas! First of all, what in the world is this person supposed to with all the fowl their true love gave them over a period just shy of two weeks? A partridge, two doves, three hens, four birds, six geese, and seven swans. Maybe there is a bird farm or a small zoo involved. Regarding the drummers, the pipers, leaping lords, and dancing ladies- were these gifts given for a one-time performance or do they all have to be housed and cared for indefinitely? Personally, the only gifts from the entire song I wouldn't mind having are the rings (although I don't need five, just one huge square-cut diamond with a matching diamond encrusted band) and the maid service. Hey, maybe that's an idea after all!
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. All I'm going to say about this song is that the kid is lucky that's all he saw his Mommy doing with Santa Claus. It could have been much worse, kid!