Christmas Carols Gone Wrong

I can't help thinking about how old some of the Christmas Carols are that we hear every day this time of year.  Technology has changed the world so much and times are sure different.  For example, singing about one "dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh" sounds so much more romantic than "riding along in my Prius, getting 50 miles to the gallon."  It just doesn't emit the same feeling.

In Baby, It's Cold Outside, a woman spends the evening worried about what people will think about her being alone at night with a gentleman.  "My mother will start worry...My father will be pacing the floor...my sister will be suspicious...my brother will be there at the door..."  In today's world, we would simply ask, Well, why don't you just call them from your cell phone and let them know you're OK?  "The neighbors might faint...my maiden aunt's mind is vicious..."  A young woman today wouldn't be out of place at a man's home late in the evening.  They probably would have been living together anyway.  Why would her mother worry?  She probably got her daughter on The Pill at age 15 like all of her friends.

Dear old Rudolph.  Today, this would be a bully situation.  "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.  They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games."  Well don't worry, Rudolph, those mean reindeer have been suspended from school because of the zero tolerance policy.  Just let the guidance counselor know if there are any more problems with bullies.  Now, run along to computer tech lab.


Don't even get me started on The Twelve Days of Christmas!  First of all, what in the world is this person supposed to with all the fowl their true love gave them over a period just shy of two weeks?  A partridge, two doves, three hens, four birds, six geese, and seven swans.  Maybe there is a bird farm or a small zoo involved.  Regarding the drummers, the pipers, leaping lords, and dancing ladies- were these gifts given for a one-time performance or do they all have to be housed and cared for indefinitely?  Personally, the only gifts from the entire song I wouldn't mind having are the rings (although I don't need five, just one huge square-cut diamond with a matching diamond encrusted band) and the maid service.  Hey, maybe that's an idea after all!

"He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.  He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake."  Santa must have surveillance cameras set up around the house.  Isn't that an invasion of privacy?  I'm calling the cops!

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. All I'm going to say about this song is that the kid is lucky that's all he saw his Mommy doing with Santa Claus. It could have been much worse, kid!