Thursday, October 20, 2011
There's this couple I know. They've been dating about eight months, I believe, and they're getting married next weekend. They met on the internet and he flew across the country to meet her. He stayed there for six months and brought her back wearing an engagement ring.
This man is, frankly speaking, not all there. Unfortunately, he was beaten as a child and suffered brain damage. I can totally handle people with special needs. In fact, I think I even have a certain patience for them. But this guy is different. He has a violent streak and he's not a small dude. He has been known to pin his mother to the ground out of anger. He has locked her in closets and bathrooms. He once left the house in the middle of the night and ran up his (or maybe his mom's?) credit cards at a club.
So that's his back story. Since I've met him, I can't say that he's stalked me. But I feel very uncomfortable around him. He likes to ask me lots of questions. He kind of follows me around and he takes great interest in one of my hobbies. It makes me nervous. As a defense mechanism, I've been very stand-offish to him. I feel that being overly nice would encourage him to like me more. I'm not totally rude but I hope that my cold manner gives him a hint that I don't want a personal relationship with him.
His fiancee' is a tiny little thing who also has special needs. She's sharp intellectually but has some sort of handicap that I can't diagnose. She has no idea what she's in store for. In the short time they've known each other, it's likely that she's never seen his rage. I feel so sorry for her because she's going to experience it sooner or later.
Practically no one showed up for this girl's bridal shower, including me. My sister-in-law did, the one who just had a baby. The bride asked my SIL to be in the wedding, even though she didn't know her name. She said she was trying to meet new people and make friends. My SIL was in shock and said yes. Minutes later, she realized what she had done. She returned to the girl, explained that she just had a baby and she was nursing. There was no way she could be in the wedding but she would still like to be friends.
The guilt overwhelmed me. This poor thing can't find people to be in her wedding. Her family isn't even coming to the wedding. A mutual friend said that the groom has a sister and several female cousins. She told me that's plenty of bridesmaids and I have no need to feel guilty. (This person also turned her down for legitimate reasons.)
Over the weekend, the mother approached my husband and asked if we were going to the wedding. We totally weren't planning on it. Hubby said he thinks we might be going out of town. We do have actual plans for that day, but the plans aren't out of town. I hate lying. We're going to have to drive to another city that day just so I can sleep at night.
Am I a horrible person for avoiding this guy and for skipping his wedding? Should I be more patient with him because of his disability? Or am I just being smart by protecting myself? I need your thoughts, cyberfriends!